Ok, you’re here. Shit. That was fast. Let me put this joint down…

So, I’ve asked you here because I’ve written, and can now sell you affordably, one of the funniest, most heart-warming/wrenching memoirs of a boy who just couldn’t believe the absurdity of his own life and decided to just… out-weird the weird out of desperation and an acceptance of some apparent challenge from the universe.

I’ve got heart-tugging shit about being in a group home and hard-core shit about the surf, skate, louder-than-fuck music scene of California beach towns in the ’80s and ’90s. I’ve also got beautiful shit about college girls at UCSB and warm fuzzy shit about a mom that wouldn’t drop her ideals, and who never, ever quit. I’ve got all the shit, ok? All the shit!

Credentials? Oh, you want those too? You picky bastard, you haven’t even clipped your toenails in three months! Ok, I did live in a tee-pee in Santa Barbara that my mom built after she became convinced houses are poison because of a chemical called radon, that supposedly comes out of your ceiling insulation and gives you cancer while you sleep. Yes folks, she built a tee-pee in a nearby field…and we lived in that motherfucker. She then killed all my game in public by approaching me with a sheep on a leash — the sheep had a Guinea pig on its back that my sister had trained to just live there, and the Guinea pig had on a sorcerer hat my mom sewed for it. If that’s not enough reason to buy this memoir…are you even alive inside?

Ok, the credentials: I’ve headlined over 200 comedy shows, I was a former movie reviewer for Live 105, I was the first stand-up comedian in history to achieve residency in the long running mega-show Tourettes Without Regrets. I did 60 days in solitary confinement at the age of 16 and walked out laughing, not from insanity, but from my own internal and utter hilariousness.

Trust me kids, this is it! One of the most meaningful, funniest memoirs ever. I welcome you to the unique new standard of comicality in storytelling: